Do’s and Don’ts for the Mother of the Bride: Hilarious, True, and Heartfelt Advice for Any Mother of the Bride
Like Mother from Marriedthere are a lot of things you’ll want to throw your two cents into before your daughter’s big day – but it might not always be your place.
From your thoughts on your daughter’s dress to your opinions of her spouse and family, there might be a few things to keep quiet. However, there are as many points as you should share your opinion on, loud and clear.
Here are some of the most hilarious, true, and heartfelt advice from brides and mother of brides, to help you keep your cool as your child prepares to get married.
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Sazkar: “Controversial advice – Bring your daughter back to reality when she becomes a bride. Only a mother has the right to do that…and [it’s] also her responsibility!… Mothers of the bride must spiritually and emotionally check their daughters. I know my mom definitely will!”
Anna, Sydney: “If you are invited to wedding dress shopping, enjoy and support it. There’s nothing wrong with encouraging the bride to try on a dress of her preference, then after one, let the bride explore which ones she really wants and don’t be offended.”
She added: “My mum has been amazing through this journey so far. Great support; allowing us to make decisions; and after any differences of opinion she always repeats that it’s our wedding, for remind us [that the] the final decision is ours, so we can do whatever we want. She recognizes that and it’s comforting.”
Stephanie, Canberra: “Don’t make your daughter invite extended family to her wedding. It’s okay not to invite all the cousins and your great-uncle George.”
Lisa: “I’m a mother of the bride currently going through reception planning/quoting/choosing and shopping for wedding dresses. I think discussing finances, total cost and payments early on, before the bride doesn’t focus on things that might not be achievable. Both sets of parents and the bride and groom all contribute, in our case. We were able to come up with an overall budget.”
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She added: “Remind your daughter to get to work early. Venues are booked everywhere and the lead time for most wedding dresses is 7-12 months. There is currently a wedding delay related to the COVID-19.”
Natasha, Tasmania: “Of course, be there to help and support the bride, but weddings are stressful. Take your daughter to lunch or dinner with one rule: no wedding conversation. It’s really amazing just for those few hours of not thinking about the marriage, but enjoy a meal while talking about other things.”
Xzavia, Victoria: “The mother of the bride needs to know that this is her daughter’s wedding and not hers.”
9Honey has also put together a list of general tips, which might be good to remember as you navigate this time around with your daughter.
Advice for any mother of the bride
1. Do not suggest family or friends as free labor
According to Indoor Weddings, a big no-no when it comes to planning the marriage is to offer the services of family or friends without asking them. It’s “gross,” as the post puts it, despite the fact that it can turn out to be perfectly profitable.
2. Don’t have “diva moments” on the big day
This one might sound a little presumptuous – who said you were going to act anyway? But with tensions naturally rising on the wedding day, who knows how you’ll feel?
Before you jump in, take some time to remember what this day means to you and your daughter, that’s what’s most important, after all.
3. Don’t try to speak in public while intoxicated
If there’s one thing you absolutely don’t want, it’s drunkenly shouting into a microphone about “how time has flown by.” (And that would be the best.)
Instead, play it safe, go easy on the champagne, and remember that while letting your hair down is important, you still want to remember this moment. It’s quite special.
4. Swallow your judgment
More likely than not, you probably have some deep-rooted feelings about your in-laws, and maybe even some about your child’s partner.
Unfortunately, the fact that a wedding is coming up is probably proof that it may be too little too late to voice those feelings. The reality is that you’ve probably made them known in the past anyway.
5. Whatever you do, don’t be late
If there’s one thing your child needs, it’s for their own mother to be on time. Plus, it’ll ensure maximum time for you to fluff up your girl’s veil, touch up her makeup, and shed a few silent tears.
6. Be prepared to stray from tradition
With your child being generations younger than you, your idea of a marriage and theirs will likely be on opposite ends of the spectrum. It’s important to remember this in the planning process – and don’t force a sixpence in her shoe or a 600-person ceremony if she doesn’t want it.
7. Offer gentle advice when asked.
Through Jenny Craig, if you have the glorious chance to give an opinion, give it as gently as possible. Whether it’s advice on a choice of dress, setting up a table or a playlist, be as friendly as possible. Harsh reviews will likely be as simple as red wine vinegar.
8. Don’t upstage the bride
It goes without saying, but it’s probably best to avoid wearing white or loud, proud daytime attire. By all means, wear something that makes you feel good, but that sparkly prom dress in the back of your closet should probably pass this one up.
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9. Don’t try to wear makeup
Makeup artist Simon Otis says real weddings that your daughter’s wedding is definitely not the time to try that green eyeshadow you loved last month vogue.
“When you look at the beautiful photos, you see yourself, not trendy makeup. Focus on makeup that creates the best version of yourself,” Otis says.
10. Be ready to release your child
Family therapist Michele Kambolis tells real weddings start now to prepare your child’s total independence, so that he does not hit you like a bus when he leaves the reception.
“We had an inside view and a narrative of what we wanted for their lives, but that’s what we wanted, not what they wanted,” she says. “Now is the time to separate that and allow them to blossom into what they want for themselves.”
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