Don’t Get Me Started: Oh No, It’s Prom Time Again |
“So, are you going to the ball?”
“Well, what’s wrong with him?”
“He is a bit shy.”
“Well, why don’t you ask him?” »
“Come on; it’s the 70s. Women are doing this now.
“Well, he’s kinda cute.”
“And I know he thinks you’re foxy.”
“My brother said Todd said Ryan said Brandon heard Scott say you were cuter than all those Charlie’s Angels put together.”
“Wow. So you think I should ask her?
“Sure. Not only is he cuter than Andy Gibb, he dances like John Travolta.
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“What would Marsha Brady do?
The more things change, the more they stay the same. More than forty years ago, teenagers dressed in polyester filled the halls of high schools. Today, the roles of teenagers are as immutable as an unplugged lava lamp. The guys are shy and the girls still wonder why.
Girls, you have to remember that males mature much slower than females and some adult females still wonder if some males are maturing. It seems like all guys go through that teenage stage of being too shy to ask a girl out for prom. The only guys I’ve ever known who had the courage to ask had failed five times and were twenty in tenth grade. These guys might have been idiots, but they had matured enough to overcome this shy stage.
It’s actually amazing that couples show up for prom. The two months leading up to the “big night” find the female population sitting at slumber parties, choosing prom dresses from stacks of magazines and indulging in manicures and guacamole facials.
“What do you think of this dress, Amber?”
“Oh, that’s so pretty, Kiersten. But do you really think yellow is your color?
“You’re so right. Yellow would be, like, so bad for me. Braces or bare shoulders?”
“I would suggest off the shoulder; the straps give you kind of, you know, grossness.
“Well thank you so much. Like I don’t appreciate that comment at all.
“Anyway. I swear, an off the shoulder in a mauve hue would be your best bet.
“Like, Amber, you’re my best friend.”
“Uh. Like, of course. So, who do you think will invite you to the ball? »
“Hopefully Bradley Snyder. He’s so, like, totally handsome.
“Don’t you think he’s like the hottie of all the hotties?”
“I do. And that’s why I want him…to ask me.
“Kiersten. You wouldn’t. You know Bradley and I are, like, total soul mates.
“Oh, I hate you. I hate you. I will never forgive you. I’m leaving and I never want to talk to you again.
“‘Full House’ is coming and if you leave now, you’ll miss it.”
“I’m, like, so sorry for what I said earlier. To forgive?”
Meanwhile, the young male demographic sits and talks about their upcoming fishing trip, their favorite NASCAR competitors, nuclear meltdown and Shania Twain videos. The word “prom” is rarely, if ever, mentioned during conversation. Where is it?
“Who are you taking to the ball?”
“Let’s watch the race.”
Well, it comes up from time to time. “Prom” is a four letter word if you haven’t noticed. And guys were told not to swear in front of a girl, so maybe that’s why they rarely talk about it.
I’m here to stand up for all those guys who have been criticized for being too bad to ask a girl to prom. It has nothing to do with a lack of courage. I think a guy could invite a girl to prom as easily as he could recite her home phone number. Girls, don’t take it personally. He might like you more than NASCAR, but would rather stick needles in his eye than have to take you to a stupid prom.
Remember ladies, proms involve three things the average teenager hates: flowers, dancing, and dressing up. First, going to a florist to pick up the corsage for a date is comparable to browsing Superman through a kryptonite store. It weakens his masculinity.
“I’ll ask mom, dad or grandma to pick it up. Someone could see me.
And then there is the dance. Teenagers play basketball, lift weights, hunt, fish, and lie about their age to acquire R-rated movie tickets. They don’t think too much about dancing. While that would be a great way to bond with a girl, they’d rather be tough and silly and spend their Saturday nights fidgeting on the banks of a pond outside of town. (Giggin’ bull frog hunting for those of you Southern handicapped.)
Finally, prom requires a teenager to rent and wear a tuxedo, tight shoes, and clean underwear. In itself, this is quite a cruel and unusual punishment to prevent a child from inviting a girl to prom.
Girls, it’s not that they don’t think you’re groovy; they just have a hard time forcing themselves into the prom script. As the lights go down, basketball backboards are rolled up to the ceiling, streamers and disco balls are hung, tuxedos are rented, and parents take out second mortgages to pay for prom dresses, s ladies, give your prom date a break. Give it some slack.
And if you want to be a real sportsman, you’ll agree to do something he wants to do like go play with him on the weekend after prom. But don’t expect to receive a second corsage for your act of kindness. When hunting frogs, formal attire is not recommended. That’s why they do it.
Go girls. Don’t hit it until you try it. You’re not shy, are you?